Umbrella!

I escaped the scorn of the scorching sun under my 'black umbrella', as i was making my way,thoughtlessly,staring at nothing,down the pavement that leads to my office premises.

But despite the nothingness that was prevailing in that moment,I stumbled upon this ebbing thought as to why did I carry my umbrella always with me?...The answer was plain and simple.Sometimes to cover myself from the sun and sometimes from the rain.And then reflecting upon my thought,I came to realize that perhaps,I loved the rain and the sunshine only as long I was sure that I had my umbrella with me that would come to my rescue,if the sun got so sunny that it makes me flinch due to its tingling heat,or if the rain has plans of drenching me in its heavy outpour instead of charming me with its drizzle.

And how can I forget to acknowledge the way,it has weathered all storms and scorns,as best as it could,when the poor little thing itself was as susceptible to the atrocities of nature as i was.Matter of factly,it considers it, its duty to care for me in those hard times...Oh!What a comrade,the inanimate,fragile thing can be!...

Then,there are those few unfortunate times,when for some reason or the other,i don't have it with me...Does the remorse of missing upon my umbrella stops me from going on??..
Certainly,not.Nothing stops me.I move on.But the distance seems longer now and difficult too.I also apprehend the sunshine and the rain now.And what makes the absence more agonizing is the memory of those times when I would walk down comfortably under the shade of my umbrella.

Considering life on a larger canvas,is there a perfect analogy for the umbrella in our lives?...Did I hear someone confessing 'LOVE'??..Is it similar to the wonder of love in our lives??...Is it LOVE that acts as the colorful umbrella in our lives???

Food for thought..

A couple of conversations i hvnt been able to find an answer to,so far...

1)from the flick,'A walk to Remember':

Jamie:Dont you have your beliefs?
Landon:..beliefs??....think there's too much bad shit in this world..
Jamie:but without sufffering there will not be compassion??
Landon:yeah,but tell it to those who suffer.



2)'Dead man walking'-hollywood motion picture

A little boy to his father(who is a lawyer ,studying for a case wherein he needs to defend a convict who is guity of murder and is likely to get a death penality for the crime he is supposed to have commited):Dad,why does the court want to kill him(about awarding him death penality??
Father:because he has killed a man, son
Kid:ok...who will punish those who will kill him??

SHORT-LIVED!!

Now i know,why as kids we used to sing,'Rain rain go away.Come again another day.Little Tommy wants to play'

Flick a flack fleck..
Flick a flack fleck...
dot a dot dot
dot a dot dot
Its here!
It has come!
Nevertheless its harbinger-the breeze had informed of its arrival,It has taken all by joyous surprise...
As if the wreath of silver glittering beads had been plucked and the beads are falling down incessantly.


The sky seeems not to be happy.
It has stopped twinkling its stars.
Its scornful that its endearing rain is leaving the groove of clouds where he had treasured it.
Its all red in anguish.
Its groaning,its roaring.
But the rain knows not to stop now...
It has to explore the other world that is waiting for it.
The moment has come...
It has broken free and now will move on relentlessly.


Through the forests and trees it trickles down to the earth.
Gravity is playing a comrade too.
The earth is rejoicing!
It spills frangrance the very moments the droplets touches its face.
It has bloomed and blossomed.
Why not?Afterall the wait is over,the wait for a rendezevous with the joy and beauty of the rain!!
But has this season of joy come here to stay??
How can that be?
For,then it would not be a season of joy.
Nor would its beauty be wondrous,had it not been fleeting.


I lift my face and feel the caress of the droplets.
Its ecstatic!
I try catching them,hoping against hope.
I wanted the moment to be longer than a lifetime.
But i had to let my wishes sublime.
For,it has to come and go or it would no longer be the rain of joy that i know.
I behold the shining beads diminishing in the night-sky...
I shall not sulk.
I shall not let my tears be a substitute to the droplets of rain.
They promised me to come again!
They gifted me this anticipation!

Cupid's month is about to end!.........time for love-shmuv talk??

To begin with,I loathe Valentine's day!!...

Please dont mistaken me to be one of the forerunners of MNS or Shiv Sena or similar unscrupulous gangs whose sole motto,as could be percieved by my little naive brain,is to emanate hate and to disturb the state of equilibrium of the society...Neither do i claim to belong to the school of thought that says that there never was a need of a day to celebrate or acknowledge the love thatwe have in our lives and that love should be celebrated every day.In my belief,if we celebrate all significant events and relationships without qualms,then why to let go LOVE unceremoniously?I would
be game for the celebration...But I have my reasons to detest this festival of 'LOVE'..


In his book,eleven minutes,Paulo Coelho rightly points out a truth that we as lesser
mortals scarcely dare to reconcile to...'The great aim of every human being is to understand the meaning of total love.Love is not to be found in someone else,but in ourselves;we simply awaken it.But in order to do that,we need the other person.The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with........'.In some cases consciously,and in many cases unconsciously,but the truth still remains the same that human beings' greatest aspiration is to find the true love of his/her life...But how can one recognize something unless one understands what one is looking for?..And so,in order to meet the real love of our lives poor humans keep striving
to understand the very essence of the miracle of those four letters....

..But,i dare treading this zone inspite of my innate human bias to explore it.For,i often end up more confused than earlier everytime i have tried to decipher the much saught after phenomena of 'love' or 'falling in love',so to say...There had been a couple of times when i seemingly felt close to it...Alas! Before i formally come to rephrase my definition i end up misgiving it...I took to the lyrics of this
popular song i came across,where a girl talks about how love is happening to her.


'Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now
Its
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo'

In her song,Halo,Singer Beyonce has aptly described the inevitability of falling for love..Well,does that mean that the emotion of love makes us fragile human beings? ...Prone to falling?..or is it the light of the halo that you see only when you are in love?....well,difficult to answer...For,if i go by the tales of literature,i infer that love seems to flourish swinging between extremes.Joy and sorrow,strength and weakness,wait and impatience,agony and relief,so on and so forth.

But The Holy Bible tells a different story:

'Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'

So,now you know why yours truly finds the love-shmuv talk gruesome?...No words of a singer could help.No art of a painter or sculpture could help.No ideas of avisionary could help...No experiences of practioner could help!...And i hope to be pardoned by Mr Cohelo, for not living upto the ultimate human aspiration,as of date.

'I could tell you a hundred things that it is not,but not one that it is!',Well,some wise soul made an honest confession!

The first post in the new year,comes with the subject that has continued to intrigue me ever...Life!..Death!..or Life and death?

17th jan 2010

I witnessed the abrupt end of a life...the corpse of the young lady who had met with an accident was lying on the road....It reminded me of the nature of life which is just like the waves in a sea that keep rising n falling..a sequence of highs n lows...like a sequence of fortunate events n mishappenings..and just as the sea sometimes gets crazy and the waves come to loose their composure to bring about some calamity ,so does life's events...when they loose their composure,they throw a being out of itself...It some how brings me to the conclusion that death is not a mishappening...it is a crazy way of life intended to propagate the message that it is omnipotent n that it can do anything no matter how wiered or out of place or time it may seem...

But i am here neither to discuss the capricious nature of life ,nor that of an abrupt death.

"we all know that death is inevitable..rather its the only certain thing,once a life comesinto existence..but we do not believe it.If we did we would have done things differently"..The spectacle of death reminded me of the words i had once come accross...i guess it was for the first time i saw death in an accident.

It would be unfair if i say that i am sharing the same grief as must be the case with the berieved people of the departed soul...Afterall,pain has a prerequisite, which is,'belongingness'...u seldome feel the pain of even the most ominous occurances unless you belong to it in some way or the other.All emotions associated with a thing for that matter,has the same prerequisite....belongingness is such an essance of human life.You need to belong to the thing in order to be influenced by the emotions associated with it..The very first belongingness being the one that is established with the life itself no sooner we are born.Then we belong to those who share our blood which includes our parents,siblings,grand parents and so to say with our kiths and kins...a child is happy with the abudance of belongingness he/she experiences at home.But the need would not be sufficed for very long until the child starts growing up and communicating with the world outside and he then seeks belongingness to any and everywhere he goes which is manifested through friends and aquaintances that one makes...He then aspires to belong to a duty,rendering which he can spend the rest of his life.....The child is grown up now and he is lonely..He belongs to so many but still he is subcontiously searching for a companion.One who will belong to him/her more than to anybody else... But in the strife to earn belongingness,if one fine day the first belongingness that was established with life
is lost,the successive belongingness that he had earned all his life fall like a pack of cards...and the irony of life is such that,the warrior who had faught and conquered all the belongingness in his life,doesnt himself feel the agony of the demise of his belongingness..Instead,this time,those to whom he belonged are the ones who grieve and gradually come out of it with time..so,the chain continues..

But the gravity of an event is what any human being can relate to....it has made me ponder on death in general..or is it life that i am pondering on?..Actually,its a strange paradox!life and death are indispensable in spite of the fact that one cannot be present with the other and that the only gap that seperates them is a stroke of destiny...

lasting happiness,lasting career,lasting relationships,lasting friends,everlasting partner...Are we not sweating ourselves too much trying to make things last forever
and in the fuss forgetting to live the present...Why do we strive in the pursuit of things that can last forever when life itself made the promise not to be everlasting...Why not enjoy the ice cream before it melts?!