The first post in the new year,comes with the subject that has continued to intrigue me ever...Life!..Death!..or Life and death?

17th jan 2010

I witnessed the abrupt end of a life...the corpse of the young lady who had met with an accident was lying on the road....It reminded me of the nature of life which is just like the waves in a sea that keep rising n falling..a sequence of highs n lows...like a sequence of fortunate events n mishappenings..and just as the sea sometimes gets crazy and the waves come to loose their composure to bring about some calamity ,so does life's events...when they loose their composure,they throw a being out of itself...It some how brings me to the conclusion that death is not a mishappening...it is a crazy way of life intended to propagate the message that it is omnipotent n that it can do anything no matter how wiered or out of place or time it may seem...

But i am here neither to discuss the capricious nature of life ,nor that of an abrupt death.

"we all know that death is inevitable..rather its the only certain thing,once a life comesinto existence..but we do not believe it.If we did we would have done things differently"..The spectacle of death reminded me of the words i had once come accross...i guess it was for the first time i saw death in an accident.

It would be unfair if i say that i am sharing the same grief as must be the case with the berieved people of the departed soul...Afterall,pain has a prerequisite, which is,'belongingness'...u seldome feel the pain of even the most ominous occurances unless you belong to it in some way or the other.All emotions associated with a thing for that matter,has the same prerequisite....belongingness is such an essance of human life.You need to belong to the thing in order to be influenced by the emotions associated with it..The very first belongingness being the one that is established with the life itself no sooner we are born.Then we belong to those who share our blood which includes our parents,siblings,grand parents and so to say with our kiths and kins...a child is happy with the abudance of belongingness he/she experiences at home.But the need would not be sufficed for very long until the child starts growing up and communicating with the world outside and he then seeks belongingness to any and everywhere he goes which is manifested through friends and aquaintances that one makes...He then aspires to belong to a duty,rendering which he can spend the rest of his life.....The child is grown up now and he is lonely..He belongs to so many but still he is subcontiously searching for a companion.One who will belong to him/her more than to anybody else... But in the strife to earn belongingness,if one fine day the first belongingness that was established with life
is lost,the successive belongingness that he had earned all his life fall like a pack of cards...and the irony of life is such that,the warrior who had faught and conquered all the belongingness in his life,doesnt himself feel the agony of the demise of his belongingness..Instead,this time,those to whom he belonged are the ones who grieve and gradually come out of it with time..so,the chain continues..

But the gravity of an event is what any human being can relate to....it has made me ponder on death in general..or is it life that i am pondering on?..Actually,its a strange paradox!life and death are indispensable in spite of the fact that one cannot be present with the other and that the only gap that seperates them is a stroke of destiny...

lasting happiness,lasting career,lasting relationships,lasting friends,everlasting partner...Are we not sweating ourselves too much trying to make things last forever
and in the fuss forgetting to live the present...Why do we strive in the pursuit of things that can last forever when life itself made the promise not to be everlasting...Why not enjoy the ice cream before it melts?!

Was christmas ever any merrier?...Oh!..Merry Christmas!

Its Christmas eve. No, i guess it’s Christmas today! But what is making it so difficult ,to get this harbinger of delight,down my gut?…..Winter is chilly as ever and topping that the Sun is frowning and reluctant to show its face. The absolute blur would make it difficult to make out the figures passing by, even a yard away. I notice the tiny droplets of fog settling all over my hair. And time and again I let out a whiff of vapor from my mouth for my love for doing it ever since I was a kid ( it somehow still makes me feel that I have some supernatural power.. like muggles or like those monsters in fairy tales).And I do all weird things, I mean, things that are weird according to my whims and fancies, like, listening to hip-hop music, cozying in the couch before the T.V all day long switching from one channel to another to find at least one thing that sooths my restless nerve ….!I have to keep reminding myself that its Christmas, a time to rejoice, a time to celebrate, and that I am holidaying back home and that there is so much of beauty and sunshine out there..Beauty and sunshine??….Ok,I believe myself …I push a smile..I start humming a jubiliant song….but suddenly I am reminded of something… What was that? If my memory isn’t playing with me,only a few days back TV was flashing the live coverage of open fire in some place…chaos, bloodshed, panic, suffering …it was a perfect spectacle of all of it…even till today the aftermath of it is incessantly being aired on TV….I feel irritable. I accuse. I suspect the steps taken by government to refrain similar future occurance .And above all I feel helpless.I pity on myself for being able to do only one thing, that is, castigating…So,out of the gloom ,I get out of my cozy couch and decide to take a stroll by the roadside, to catch some life in motion.I put on still some more warmer clothes to look double of my actual dimensions.(only breadth wiseJ)..Finally I am out. In the open catching more light that inside of my home…I feel the wind on my face…I love it even in the piercing cold…at least its taking over the stagnation within and without. I have walked half a mile catching so many epressions on people’s faces(the fog isn’t so thick now as the early hours of day)…I enjoy observing the diversity of life before I came across this facet of the diversity…On the footpath was sitting a little girl half naked with an infant covered in rags scarcely covering his body in the chill of winter…I wonder if the infant is the little girls kid….A kid of a kid?…I feel miserable…why don’t they have clothes to protect themselves from the fiery wind?..Don’t they have a home?….Why cant I do something for them?..I think of giving away my coat to the girl? I walk a little closer…but then reminded of mamma who may scold me for giving away my new expensive coat to the urchin…There may be many thousands like them shivering in the cold with nothing and nobody to their rescue.What could I for them? How many coats would I give?I explain to myself. And I step back…back on my way….The appalling scene left me filled with remorse and guilt..I decided to retreat to my home……No, but whatsoever…its Christmas eve.The New Year will also show up soon….Its time to rejuvinate and celebrate…And as they say,”the Show must go on…”.

Dreams that i had before i grew up,dreams that i have before i grow old..

Dreams and fantasies...i wonder if there is another subject to talk about,which makes a dreamer happier.When high i revel in the joy of accomplishment of a dream and when low i keep believing that someday somebody up there will breathe life to my dream(s)... whatsoever..dreams had and have always been kinda indispensable part of me.More precisely ,i live in a world of dreams and illusions.

Plunging back in time,i see myself as an enthusiastic kid with 'big','heroic' dreams(quite like the typical heroic dreams of kids)..I dreamt of becoming an IPS officer so that i could punish all the wrong doers.Not just that,i had total faith in my 'one woman army'.I dreamt of putting an end to all the evil that was prevalent and make the world the way it ought to be..the way i had seen it in my imagination from what i read in stories and what my parents and elders taught me.(funny?)

There was another facet of my dreams..Still funnier.I had improvised a 'fairy friend' of my dreams whom i used to call 'udne wali gudiya'
And this 'udne wali gudiya' supposedly was a messiah for the whole of family.How can i forget the way i used to counsel papa and ma on their everyday hitches saying,'udne wali gudiya kehti hai ki....'
As a kid,i also dreamt of becoming a 'big girl' soon.I dreamt of going to college.In my thoughts college life was such a fun.

I grew up a little.The two digit figure of the years i had lived now entered the prized teenage.It was the time when Papa's inspiring words served as catalyst to my dreams.I got a little too much into studies under the belief that 'udne wali gudiya' could help no more and that studying hard was the only way to make my dreams come true.My dreams constricted to scoring well at school and making my parents proud with my performance...I dreamt of becoming like papa.The dream of becoming an IPS gave way to the dream of becoming an engineer like papa.
But all this while the making-the-world-right pursuit did not cease.In my own little circle at home and in school i kept imposing on people the so called 'right values' ....yes, on almost everybody without fail.Cant say why or how but i also developed a feminist attitude. I hated to hear when people talked low about females.And in the fuss,i would act like guys and do everything the way guys do.I would even not believe that girls have lesser physical strength than guys!!
Finally i grew up.Part of my dreams came true.I am a big girl now.Yes,i am (for even my dreams tell the same).I go to college.I have some good time with friends out there.I am also an engineer-in-making!...But what is this??I didn't even realize as to when did it really happen,but my dreams have undergone a colossal change.
Over the years the almighty blessed me with little wisdom.I learnt certain realities of life.That the world has got to be the way it ..a grotesque version of what we read in books or what sermons tell us.That its silly to aim to make the world flawless(we don't deserve that being flawed ourselves).All we humans should aspire,is to make it better.Now i know that i need not be or behave like guys to prove females or to prove myself.In other words,i learnt to value femininity.
Now,my dreams are more 'realistic' ranging from ,keeping my parents happy in their old age,making every effort on my side to keep my family happy,being sincere and efficient in my work place,to be loved by the person i love,(this one's both funny and incredible)to be a mom someday when i grow older,to start an NGO for the needy,to serve my country in my little way...so on and so forth..
Then there is a list of whimsical fantasies like writing a book, learning to play a musical instrument,getting back to my childhood love i.e painting,spending some quiet time by the sea...........huh!...another endless list

I do feel i have been a little too demanding with myself,my life and my people..but cool it guys!thats just matter of dreams.And then,you never know,He might be busy working on some of your dreams...above all my dreams help me to live some precious moments(who cares if its just an illusion.it may be a reality someday)

Guess thats enough...let me stop here and go back to dream..Till then,here's wishing you happy dreaming!!

Holi in the air! ! :-)

Holi Holi hai!!!...laughter and cheers rumbling over and over again in every nook and corner...and i am sitting alone in an almost deserted hostel of the nearly deserted college campus, fiddling with my thoughts...I always wonder...is that something new?Anyway,..I always wonder what must have made or inspired our predecessors come up with such an idea?I mean,how did these festivals come into being?..Is it a time to celebrate the manifestation of the right values in the mirror of Life with Prahlad,the epitome of goodness, coming out alive of the blazing flames,Rama defeating Ravana or Lordess Durga putting an end to the notorious devil,Mahisasur?(they say,most of indian festivals like Holi,Diwali,Dusshehra etc mark the victory of good over evil)...or is it the time to celebrate togetherness?...with everyone,almost every one...I remember ,as a child i was always in kind of a daze and also wee bit irritated to see guests pouring in en masse like never before(as i had to help mamma endlessly to serve them).But to my surprise my mamma's spirits never used to dampen.In fact, she used to be elated seeing all the relatives,friends and acquaintances together...bearing a quizzical expression on my face,i used to ask mamma,'Why is it that so many people turn up on one day only?Why cant they keep coming in lesser number but more frequently? And she would very patiently make me understand,'beta,You know why these festivals are a part of our rich culture?because the great people who lived before us knew how significant is the role of togetherness with our fellow beings and a feeling of belongingness to the world around is,in our lives.Festivals bring forth the time when we should let bygones be bygones and greet all with an open heart and celebrate the togetherness..'Guess she was right but what an irony of fate!Such values have blurred over time.Its the era of hasty endless pursuits wherein there is little time for 'togetherness' and yours truly is the unlucky one serving as an instance for the same.And poor mommy and papa,are back home with mere memories of the sweet time spent together when their beloved kids use to be around....making futile attempts to convince them,'beta,do turn up for next holi...its as colorless as it can be without you'.And the no less poorer daughter....she is learning to live in the company of solitude in a time that cherishes 'togetherness'!
Anyway ,May this Holi brings in loads of joy,giggles and celebration and may togetherness mingle with every soul like the vibrant colors of Holi!...Holi Hai!!

Namaskar Ladies :)

I said,'Girls are born to be flawless'...What's that?..Did i mean every word of it???

Ohh!..am immensely sorry ....for having used the wrong adjective.(Has there ever,existed on this earth, a mortal being which can be aptly described as 'flawless'??Isn't it well said that the absence of flaw, even in beauty is a flaw.In a word ,human aspirations never limit to the state of flawlessness!!)But then,what made me utter those words??Guess it was the heart felt gratitude that has been honed over the years of my life so far.And on getting a chance ,it finally found its way.Gladdening me even more,it came just in the nick of time,when the world around has been obliviously acting indifferently to the greatness of women.
How often do we care to acknowledge the woman and womanhood for being the indispensably significant contributor to the very foundation of the society??What is the frequency with which we prefer to express kudos to the woman who keeps changing her role on the stage of life to make the world a happier place to her beloveds.Be it the lovely daughter ,be it a thoughtful and considerate friend or be it the life-giver,the mother, ever ready to make sacrifices for the smallest fancies of her children. (is it worth pondering on??...never seemed like it.)And then after years of tribulations ,when she could ,deservingly grab opportunities outside the family and household ,her astounding efficiency took aback all who found it hard to give up misgivings about the capabilities of the female.Education of women gave impetus to revolution of rennovation of the society with women and men working at par.In no time their ascent to the pinnacle of all walks of public life has become somewhat phenomenal!!Do i need to recount the great women of which history stands a witness.Ranging from the great warrior Maharani Lakshmi Bai,the first woman prime minsiter of India, Mrs Indira Gandhi, the first lady IPS of India ,Mrs Kiran Bedi,the princess of extrateresstrial world, Kalpana Chawala and her successor Sunita Williams,and not to forget the great woman of the age of globalisation Mrs Indira Nooyi.(the first woman CEO of an MNC).But isn't the greatness of women much beyond the reverence earned by a handful of such illustrious ladies??Funny as it may sound,but matter-of-factly even the girl next-door or the lady living in seclusion of a house of an obscure village,is a substantial contributor in making the world as beautiful and worthwhile.The greatness of women lie not in having got the best of cards but in certainly playing those they got , the best!!
Lets be candid.Haven't we been a little too parsimonious in applauding the girl,the woman,the lady.Haven't we been moving on too hastily taking things for granted.
Lets not forget to salute the the ladies.Hats off to you boss,for weathering all storms admirably and gallantarily coming out with the twinkling sheen of the winning trophy!!